It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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