they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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