I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
