I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
