my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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