PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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