New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
he puts the penis in happiness.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
