you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
