She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize