my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
