I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
