is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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