I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
