Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
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