we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
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You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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