just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
