So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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