dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
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apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
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The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
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