I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
