Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
