Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
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