You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You are the jesus of drinking
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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