he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
