I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
