She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
