I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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