I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
