you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
