Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
