I wish my penis had an off switch
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
