i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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