well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
