He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Randomize
