he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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