You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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