She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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