just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
