i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
