My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
