there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
