a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I can't turn off my feet"
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
