Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
