Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize