youre lurking in front of me
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
