So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
