I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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