your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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