how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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