i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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