I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
