I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
