no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
