Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I know her cup size but not her name....
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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