I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
