do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
