i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Randomize
