He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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