question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
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