If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
