i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
