I would go down on you faster than GM stock
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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